WE HAVE A GREAT SCOTTISH INTERNATIONAL

 

We have a great Scottish international

By the name of Jim McKee

Well, when I say he’s a Scottish

His parents once went to Dundee

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – THE NATURAL (1984)

 

 “The Natural” is a sports drama, based on the novel by Bernard Malamud and Directed by Barry Levinson.

The story is about an unknown middle-aged batter named Roy Hobbs (Robert Redford) with a mysterious past, who appears out of nowhere to join a struggling team as a rookie in the 1930’s, much to the disgust of coach Pop Fisher (Wilford Brimley) who thinks the teams owner The Judge (Robert Prosky) is deliberately trying to scupper the team, so he refuses to play Hobbs on principle.

But he does have an ally in assistant coach Red Blow (Richard Farnsworth) and eventually Pop relents and Hobbs takes a losing baseball team to the top of the league with the aid of a bat cut from a lightning struck tree.

But it soon becomes apparent that it’s more important to the Judge that the team fail and when bribes don’t work, femme fatal Memo Paris (Kim Basinger) tries to distract him, and it appears to be working until his childhood sweetheart Iris Gaines (Glenn Close) appears one day in the stands and gets him back on track.

It takes reporter Max Mercy (Robert Duvall) to uncover the story of Roy Hobbs mysterious past as he begins to bask in the fame he should have had earlier in his life when, as a rising pitcher, he was inexplicably shot by a young woman, Harriet Bird (Barbara Hershey) in a hotel room.

 

OUR TEAM PLAY AT AN HISTORIC GROUND

 

Our team play at an historic ground

We on the terraces all proudly roar

All the visiting fans shout in reply

That it’s an old run-down eye sore

IT'S ONLY A GAME

 

"It's only a game,” they might say

It’s not a life and death thing

No one ever says, "It's only a game"

When their team is winning.

THAT’S NOT CRICKET

 

Cricket is not my sport, that I have to say

But the game appears to be in the doldrums

For me, the most exciting part of the match

Are the barmy army beating their drums

The event is spread over five full days

In an effort to make it appear more fun

But if they want to make it more exciting

They should make them play tip and run

CAN’T PLAY AWAY

 

The eternal problems for all football teams

Was keeping players fit to fulfil their dreams

As with unfit players they were bound to fail

But today the problem is keeping them out of jail

BRIDGE ANYONE?

 

A game of Bridge is just like sex

As I recall

If you have a good hand

You don't need a partner at all

WE HAVE A GREAT IRISH INTERNATIONAL

 

We have a great Irish international

By the name of Kevin O’Rourke

Well, when I say he’s Irish

His parents once went to Cork

SPORTY WIFE

 

Now I keep telling my wife

No matter what she may have thought

In no way shape or form

Can shopping be considered as a sport

IN THE PROGRAM THEY SAY OF HIM

 

In the program they say of him

That he is a loyal player to the team

But in truth no other club

Will have him it would seem

WINE DOWN UNDER

 

Don’t buy any Australian wine’s next year

Because since they lost the World Cup I fear

When we knocked them off their ivory tower

All of their grapes have suddenly gone sour

 

Written after the 2003 Rugby World Cup Final