ANYONE FOR TENNIS # 1

 

For Henman fans Andy Murray

Doesn’t do it for them

And for his on-court aggression

They criticize him

But if you remove his aggression

You’re left with Tim

JUMPERS FOR GOALPOSTS

 

Much of my childhood was spent playing football whenever possible the whole year round, in all weathers and for as many hours as my parents would allow.

I wasn’t fussy who I played with or where for that matter.

We would play with any size ball and use jumpers for goal posts, and we would play for hours.

Having said that I would play anywhere and with anyone I still had a favorite venue and a favorite bunch of fellow footie fanatics.

The venue in question was the park bordering St Michaels terrace in north London in the shadow of Alexandra palace.

The park had roads bordering on three sides and the railway line on the fourth.

The top road was St Michaels Terrace with the Starting Gate pub at the main road end, a small parade of local shops and a row of terraced houses.

To the left was the main wood green to Muswell hill road so the pitches stopped well short of that side and the bottom road led to bounds green and to the right was a wooded area which separated the park from the railway.

 

The park had at its center a man-made semi-circular hill with a small round hill its peak was adorned by a weather worn totem pole and around this center piece were our three improvised pitches which we rotated depending on the weather conditions.

The pitches were arranged as follows.

A, the top pitch which ran parallel to St Michaels terrace and was as the name suggests the highest of the three and subsequently the most used.

B, the bottom pitch which ran parallel to the first pitch and again as the name suggests was the lowest and least used although was a favorite summer pitch due to the shade from the trees on three sides.

C, the third pitch ran from top to bottom parallel to the railway and was referred to by the grownups as the safe pitch as even the most wayward shot had little chance of reaching a road.

The most hardened footballers amongst us played all year round regardless of the weather with the exception of a two- or three-week period in the summer when we had to bow to pressure from the less committed participants who wanted to have a cricket season.

The hard core of the St Michael Terracers apart from myself were The Neal brothers Dave, Ken and Michael, Brian Gallagher who was also a distance runner, Lois Deeks, who lived in Palace Gates road, Richard and Clifford Morgan, Mick, whose surname escapes me, who was a Chelsea supporter and Colin, whose surname also eludes me, was our best goalie until his untimely transfer to Diss.

On Sunday afternoons we were normally joined by some of the parents the most regular oldies being Mr. Neal and Mr. Morgan and you would have expected a rise in good behavior and a reduction of bad language but normally the reverse was true.

We also had an almost endless list of transient players who used to turn up periodically.

It broke my heart when we moved away from North London the five years, I spent with the Terracers have never been bested.

THE GINGER KID AND THE BLACK SOX

 

Buck or George Daniel Weaver

Born in the state of Pennsylvania

Eighteen ninety the town of Stowe

And died aged sixty-six in Chicago

He loved baseball as much as life

All most as much as Helen his wife

He spent his entire career as a pro

Playing with the sox in Chicago

As one of the eight men caught

But the only one not to be bought

Punished with ringleader Gandil

Innocent in the black sox scandal

The only player to be free of blame

The rest of his life lived in shame

A great third basemen of his time

Banned for life for others crime

He gave his life to clear his name

He should be in the hall of fame

AU REVOIR - LA COUPE DE MONDE

 

They travel east

                 With Gaelic pride

Nowhere to run

                 Nowhere to hide

It’s said pride comes

                Before a fall

They fell from high

                Against Senegal

The next game a win

               Or wonder why

A draw this time

                With Uruguay

The final game 

               They have to win

Their cup defence

               Must now begin

Will they play

               Them off the park

They lose again

               Against Denmark

So, France crash out

               And exit early

Perhaps they’ll miss 

               The hurly burly

No broken hearts

               They leave behind

Were glad they’re gone

               To be unkind

So what’s the reason

               France are out

We demand to know

               The Frenchie’s shout

The answer is in

               My firm belief

They should have eaten

               British Beef

(Poem written after the early exit of Cup Holders France from 2002 World Cup, at a time when the French were refusing to accept Beef shipments from the UK)

SHOELESS JOE JACKSON

Born in eighty seven in Brandon mills

A mill town in the South Carolina hills

Joseph Jefferson Jackson was named

But as shoeless Joe he would be famed

 

Joe started as a pitcher on the mound

In the minor league on the mill ground  

But Joe didn’t last to long at pitching

Though his speed had batters twitching

 

One day on the Brandon mill league team

He threw so hard he made a man scream

Because he had broken the catchers arm

They put him in the outfield out of harm

 

Then he often played first base after that

"Black Betsy." Joe named his favorite bat

His nickname "shoeless" came after playing

In socks because his feet were blistering

 

He batted as a left hander when at the plate

But threw right handed at an alarming rate

Over six feet tall and two hundred pound

He was incredibly quick across the ground

 

A deadly hitter and a great outfielder who

Is known more now for the lack of a shoe

He named his glove and you can guess why

Calling it "the place where triples go to die,"

 

His career began in nineteen-oh-eight

Well as a professional then at any rate

It was with the Athletics in Philadelphia

But he only played ten games while here

 

Traded to Cleveland Naps after three years

Joe left Philly to explore new frontiers

Here he showed just how he was able

Slugging his way to lead the league table

 

With the Naps Joe burst onto the scene

They became the Indians in nineteen fifteen

With the Naps Joe came into his prime

But after four years it was trading time

 

In august of fifteen Jackson was traded

To move to Chicago, he was persuaded

With the Sox he continued his great career

And the White Sox were the team to fear

 

In nineteen seventeen Jackson and Chicago

Won the biggest honor baseball can bestow

And Chicago accomplished their greatest feat

Winning the series as the Giants they beat

Two years later they found themselves again

Competing in a World Series title campaign

This time pitted against the reds of Cincinnati

There was no glory this time for Black Betsy

 

During the following year of nineteen twenty

While batting well and still scoring plenty

Jackson was suspended from the league

After the fixing the World Series intrigue

 

During the long running trial in Chicago

One fan asked of Jackson “Say it ain’t so”

The jury acquitted the black sox and Joe

Jackson and the others were free to go

 

But Landis the commissioner of baseball

Wasn’t impressed with this decision at all

Going against the ruling he gave a life ban

All eight men, Jackson and every man

 

If Joe was in on the fix it was hard to tell

He fielded and batted exceptionally well

Ranked third in the all-time batting list 

A very sad day when he was dismissed

 

Black Betsy, raised over half a million

When Joe legendary bat, sold at auction

More money than Joe saw in all his days

Playing for owners with grasping ways

 

He never played pro baseball ever again

But his great achievements still remain

So home to South Carolina with his wife 

To run a store there for the rest of his life

THE CHICAGO BLACK SOX

 

In the year after the war to end all wars

In nineteen, nineteen the White Sox scores

A pennant winning season for old Chicago

But the players never get any extra dough

 

The owners pocketed all the rich rewards

In grand palatial homes living like lords

The players lived more down to earth

And left to ponder their value or worth

 

So as the World Series was to be contested

The Chicago White Sox were then expected

To beat the Cincinnati Redlegs quite easily 

Making them targets for a crooked bookie

 

The bookies went to work bribing players

They had Cicotte and Williams the pitchers

Gandil, McMullin and Risberg infielders

Hap Felsch and Joe Jackson the outfielders

 

Only Buck Weaver refused to be in on the fix

And Joe Jackson reneged to leave only six

Despite this they managed well on their own

And any chance of winning had been blown

 

It fell apart when more cash failed to appear

And another betrayal was the player’s fear

When the Black Sox tried to win in the end

They found it was too late to make amend

 

The eight men were charged for their crime

But they were found not guilty at the time

The commissioner of baseball had other ideas

Banning all eight from professional careers

 

They never played in the big leagues again

And in dishonor their names still remain

Those really guilty for losing the series

Are greedy owners and crooked bookies

TOP DOGS

 

Korea have had a great World Cup

They’ve beaten Italy with a golden goal

How will they celebrate the victory?

They’ll be eating dog tonight in Seoul

 

Poem written after Italy v South Korea match at 2002 World Cup

NOBBY AND THE JIG OF JOY

 

The first time I became aware of Nobby Stiles I was a young boy of ten and it was the world cup finals of 1966.

It would probably seem odd to many football fans that out of all the talent on show in England that summer, players like Pele, Beckenbauer or Eusabio, I was most impressed by the diminutive Manchester man, Nobby.

I have often wondered myself and I think that the great players had been much heralded in the lead up to the finals and they merely did what was expected of them but Nobby I had not heard of before he was different.

 

He tackled hard and was a tough no nonsense player who could read the game so well being blessed with great tactical awareness but my most enduring image’s of him was the toothless grin and his jig of joy after England won the world cup.

It was that victory dance showing his excitement and obvious love for the game.

It was seeing Nobby play that led me to support United as I still do today.

 

Norbert Peter Stiles was born in Collyhurst Manchester 18^th may 1942 and he stood at the Stretford End like many a young lad and dreamt of playing for United but for him it came true.

For eleven years he played his Club football for Manchester United making his debut for them away at Bolton on 1^st of October 1960.

Apart from winning the world cup with England in 1966 he won two League Championship medals with United and as In the 1966 World Cup Semi-Final against Portugal it was his job to stop Eusebio “the Black Panther” when united met Benfica in the 1968 European Cup Final which he did and added a European Cup winner's medal to his collection.

 

Nobby Stiles was and still is Man United through and through he returned to United in the 80’s as youth team coach were he brought on the likes of Giggs, Beckham and the Neville’s.

 

In 2000 his contribution to the game was finally recognized when he received an O.B.E. along with his other previously unrecognized England teammates from 1966.

 

Not before time.

BRADFORD PARK AVENUE A.F.C.

It’s difficult sometimes amidst the glitz and glamour of the premiership to remember that the vast majority of clubs have more red ink on their bank statements than black.

Many teams, some of them once big names in the game and in the case of Accrington Stanley a founder member of the league, fall from grace and from time to time they drop out of the league all together or even go to the wall.

My first experience of the unglamorous side of professional football was in 1970 when I was fourteen years old.

Bradford Park Avenue who although not ever one of the big boys was once a well-known name in the game heard the final whistle blown for the last time as a league club.

 

They began life as Bradford Association Football Club forming in 1907 but in order to distinguish themselves from another football league team, Bradford City AFC, and rugby leagues Bradford Northern RLFC they incorporated the name of their ground, Park Avenue, into the team name and so were Bradford Park Avenue born.

Association football as well as the handling game of Rugby league had been played at Park Avenue since 1895 but with “soccer” already being successfully played at Manningham, by Bradford City, on April 15th, 1907 a meeting was called off the club members to decide the best course of action for the future.

After much debate, a vote was called and by a narrow margin the decision was made to follow the path of association football.

 

The club applied for membership of the Football League on 31 May 1907 but were unsuccessful and so they contented themselves with entering a team in the North Eastern League instead, However in February 1908 Tottenham Hotspur resigned from the league and Park Avenue were accepted into the Second Division in their place.

Once they had been accepted into the football league The Park Avenue club became a limited company and they played their first Football League game at home to Hull City, winning 1-0.

In 1909 international football came to the Park Avenue ground with a match between England and Ireland and it was in that match that Irishman, Sam Burnison, became the first player to win an international cap while at the Bradford club.
In the 1912-13 season the club reached the FA Cup Quarter-Final and then they finished as runners-up in division two that season beating Arsenal on Goal Average to win promotion to the topflight.

At the end of 1914-15 season Bradford Park Avenue finished in 9^th position which was to be their best ever.

Following the First World War Avenue reached the FA Cup Quarter-Final again in the 1919 - 20 campaign but were relegated at the end of the next season.

The season following that saw the club’s fortunes taking a further turn for the worst with immediate relegation to the 3rd Division (North) narrowly failing to bounce straight back being beaten into second place by Nelson.

In the 1924-25 season they finished as top scorers with 84 goals and the season after they again finished as runners up.

Bradford Park Avenue set a Football League record they still hold today while in the Third Division (North), in the 1926-27 season the Avenue won 25 consecutive home games.

A change of fortunes came however at the end of the 1927-28 saw them promoted to division two again as champions were, they remained until the Second World War intervened.

 

One of the players that graced the Avenue side was Jack Crayston who went to Arsenal in 1934 were he became an England international and after his career was cut short by a serious injury, he turned his hand to management eventually returning to Highbury as manager. 

Undoubtedly the greatest player ever to have worn an Avenue shirt was Len Shackleton, who scored a club record 171 goals he went on to play for England in 1946 and was transferred to Newcastle United the same year, scoring six goals on his Newcastle debut.

Another notable Avenue player of the early postwar years was Ron Greenwood, later to become manager of west ham and then England.

When the full league program resumed after the second world war in the 1945-46 season Avenue reached the FA Cup Quarterfinal for the third time and despite notable successes in the competition in 1948 when they beat Arsenal 1-0 at Highbury, and they drew with the eventual winners Manchester United at Maine Road only losing after a second replay it actually proved to be there swan song.

The 1949-50 season ended with them again relegated to the third division and the beginning of the long slow decline.

At the end of the 1955-56 campaign, they had reached rock bottom literally and had to apply for re-election to the league and Two seasons later after having finished in the bottom half of division three (north) the club became unwilling founder members of the new 4th Division for the 1958-59 season.

It was in their third season of fourth division football when they put in a dazzling run of six consecutive wins to finish fourth and earned themselves promotion, but the revival was short lived as two seasons later they went down again.

It was at this time that Kevin Hector arrived at the club and claimed a regular place in the side, and it was to be his goal scoring which was to sustain the club over the next few seasons until his move to Derby County.
while Kevin hector had gone on to greater things Avenue ended the next season bottom, a position in which they were to remain for two more seasons until the league turned down their application for re-election and replaced them with Cambridge United.

 

So, after 62 years in the football league, it was now to the Northern Premier League that the club turned to for its salvation and with virtually a complete squad of professionals they were hoping for a quick return to league status but it was not to be.

After three years of poor results and mounting debts they had to sell Park Avenue in April 1973 to a property company.
Avenue then moved in to ground share at Bradford City’s Valley Parade ground but with results not improving the board announced the club would stop playing at the end of the season.

On 3 May 1974, the shareholders agreed to liquidate the company and Bradford Park Avenue were no more - or were they.

The supporters registered the name as a company and began again in the Bradford Amateur Sunday League Division Four.

 

Over the last thirty years Avenue have slowly clawed their way via a procession of minor leagues to reach the Premier Division of the Unibond League and as a result the club has regained the position it occupied when it first ceased playing professional league football in 1974.

How long will it be before Bradford Park Avenue again take their rightful place and play in the football league?

1966

 

Crossed from the wing

By Alan Ball

He picks out Hurst

Who’s standing tall

He takes control

A turn and shot

Its hit the bar

Was it in or not?

It crashes down

Onto the line

Has it crossed?

It must this time

It’s not a goal

The Germans say

Where’s the ref

He’s gone away

He even asks

The linesman too

He nods his head 

England three - two

I have regrets

About that day

We did not win fare

The Germans say

Nearly forty

Years of doubt

Was the ball in?

Or was the ball out

But if Hunt had only

Knocked it in

We would not have

All the arguing

VIMTO TANGO

 

Placebo, Subbuteo, and Scenario

Portfolio, Pinocchio or Fellatio

Are these words from everyday?

Or footballer's from Brasilia way