An affair between a Sportscaster
And my wife was my
suspicion
And when I found them,
they were
In the commentary position
Thursday, 13 April 2023
NO MORE JIG OF JOY
Norbert Peter Stiles
18th May 1942 – 30th October 2020
Norbert Peter Stiles
Was his given name
A diminutive figure
But a giant in the game
Fearless on the pitch
Fearsome and ferocious
But away from the game
Gentle and humorous
I remember fondly
England’s greatest day
And I remember Nobby
At the end of play
With his spindly legs
And gap-toothed smile
Because no one danced
Like our Nobby Stiles
I HAVE BEEN A KEEN SPORTS FAN
I have been a keen sports fan
For as long as I can
remember
And my father, since
boyhood,
Is an even bigger fan
than me
Having said that,
there is an event
That has frankly
always puzzled us
And that is the
University Boat Race,
Which takes place on
the Thames,
Between two coxed
eight crews
So not the most
thrilling event
But that’s not the
puzzling part
What puzzle’s us is
the participants
As it’s always Oxford
and Cambridge
So how do they always
get to the final?
JOHN MCENROE ONCE SAID
John McEnroe once said,
And I completely
agree,
That “The older we get
The better we used to
be”
SPORTING COURAGE
I’m a very courageous
Sportsman, basically
As it takes a lot of
balls
To play Golf like me
WE WERE PLAYING CHESS IN THE PARK
We were playing chess in the park
And I heard my
opponent saying
“Let’s make this more
interesting”
So, we agreed to stop
playing
TIME IS UP
To my chest my hands I clasp
I deeply breathe, I wheeze and gasp
My temples throb, my mouth is dry
My heart beats fast, I’m going to die
My voice has gone, my throat is sore
My hands both shake, I can take no more
I lay my head, upon my knee
Now blow the whistle Referee
CAR FOOTBALL IS A THING
Car Football is actually a thing
If not to everyone’s desire
Nonetheless the car was in
The dressing room, changing attire
WHEN I FIRST GOT INTO ATHLETICS
When I first got into athletics
A hurdle scared me a bit
But with dogged perseverance
I managed to get over it
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TEA BAG
The difference between a tea bag
And Woking Football
Club
Is a simple one to
discover
A tea bag stays longer
in the cup
HAMILTON THE MUSICAL
I went to see Hamilton the musical, but
I didn’t like it when
all said and done
It was definitely
musical without a doubt
But not one mention of
Formula One
SCHADENFREUDE
Schadenfreude is the great pleasure derived
By someone, from
another person's misfortune
It’s ironic that the
Germans have a word to express
My pleasure at them
being knocked out so soon
IT WAS A GLORIOUS WEEK IN JUNE
It was a glorious week in June
And I wore my best
ensemble
But after Day three at
Wimbledon
I hadn’t seen a single
Womble
GOLD SILVER OR BRONZE
Gold, Silver or Bronze
That is the obvious
question
What hue will his
urine be
When they test the
Russian
THE REF BOOKED HIM
The ref booked him for
Taking his shirt off
As it’s against the
rules
To take the refs shirt
off
COMMENTATING ON EQUESTRIAN # 2
At his first equestrian event
And he thought he was
seeing a mirage
All the horses looked
effeminate
But it turned out to be the dressage
COMMENTATING ON EQUESTRIAN # 1
At his first equestrian event
And he thought he was
seeing a mirage
The campest parade
ring he’d ever seen
Turned out to be the
dressage
ADMIRED ATHLETES
I have great admiration
For athletic
competitors
But you’ve got to hand
it
To those relay runners
THE WOKING STAR STRIKER
The Woking star Striker
Went down in the box
It was his wife’s
birthday
So it was not
unorthodox
CAR FOOTBALL IS ACTUALLY A THING
Car Football is actually a thing
And some people think
it’s cute
But I don’t think cars
should play
THE TRANSFER WINDOW IS OPEN
The transfer window is open
Which is very exciting
for fans like me
Especially when I’ve
just heard
Foghorn Leghorn has
signed for KFC
ONE OF THE FOOTBALL SPECTATORS
One of the football spectators
Obstructed the keepers
view
By standing between
the posts
IRONIC ADVERTISING
I fell about laughing when I saw Serena
In an ironic
Advertisement for Tempur
As given her recent
display of stress
It should have been a “bad Tempur” mattress
SW19 CHEESE
When you are at Wimbledon
And you order a cheese
baguette
The filling will most
likely be,
Given the location,
Tennis Raclette
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