Our star sprinter is not a looker
But that doesn’t
bother us
We still cheer him to
the rafters
But we do call him
Fastidious
Saturday, 25 February 2023
OUR STAR SPRINTER IS NOT A LOOKER
FOGHORN LEGHORN LEFT
Foghorn Leghorn left
The basketball court
Wearing a scowl
Because he
misunderstood
When he heard
The ref blew a foul
THE PRESIDENT OF CHESS CLUB # 2
The president of Chess Club
Was toying with his bishop
Then his mum walked in
And told him he had to stop
AN ENGLISHMAN WALKED INTO A PUB
An Englishman walked into a pub
But something was definitely up
There were no Irish, Welsh or Scots
Because they were still in the cup
MY HUSBAND MAKES LOVE TO ME
“My husband makes love to me
Like an Olympic athlete, honestly”
She boasted to her peers
“So it’s once every four year”
THE MOST DEPRESSING THING ABOUT TENNIS
The most depressing thing about Tennis
Is that no matter how
well I hit the ball
And how much time I
spend practising,
I'm never going to be
as good as the wall
ONE DAY ON THE GOLF COURSE
One day on the golf course
I overturned my golf cart
A pretty woman came to assist
And I was attracted from the start
Elizabeth, was very attractive
And didn’t apportion blame
“Are you okay are you hurt?”
She asked “what's your name?”
“It’s Colin and I’m fine” I replied
And she invited me to her villa
which backed onto the course
“I'll help you with the cart later”
“That's kind of you,” I answered,
But my wife wouldn’t like it”
“Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted
“Just come in and rest for a bit”
She was very persuasive “okay,”
I agreed, “But my wife won't like it.”
After a stiff drink I said “Thank you
But I must go my wife will be upset.”
“She’ll understand” Elizabeth said
“Because you might have been hurt”
And asked “where is she by the way?”
And I replied “Under the cart!”
THE USE OF DRUGS IS RIFE IN SPORT
The use of drugs is rife in sport
And it’s a worldwide
thing
But people think it’s
just China
And that because of Do
Ping
WHAT COULD THE POSSIBLE REASON BE
If a Britain was in the World Cup Final
What could the
possible reason be
There is only one
probable explanation
He would have to be
the Referee
OLYMPIANS V PARALYMPIANS
The Olympics is the pinnacle
For any man and woman
But I believe that an
Olympian
Is actually merely
Human
Whereas a Paralympian
Is quite obviously
Super Human
DISABILITY SPORT
They may well be considered
In life to have a
Vulnerability
But where sport is
concerned
They have no such
disability
So calling it
“Disability Sport”
Couldn’t be more
misleading
When the limits they
are given
They are constantly
exceeding
Don’t look at them as
disabled
But as sportsmen and
women
Because in the arena
of sport its
As athletes you should
define them
PARALYMPIANS
They should not be seen as disabled
When they compete
A Paralympian should
be viewed
Simply as an Athlete
LUXEMBOURG IS A MUCH SMALLER COUNTRY
Luxembourg is a much smaller country
But nonetheless in a
tournament year
They share something
with England
Which is their FIFA
Ranking I fear
THE LVG WAY
Your team should always have a plan “B”
In modern football you
would have to say
Unfortunately for
Manchester United though
Louis van Gaal doesn’t
have a plan “A”
MY NEW TENNIS PARTNER
My new tennis partner
Always obstructs my
view,
Stood in the middle of
the court
I TRAVEL ON THE TRAIN TO WIMBLEDON
I travel on the train to Wimbledon
It’s the best station
by far for me
As you can change for
the Overground
Underground and
Wombleing free
IN THE VEGETABLE WORLD
In the vegetable world, the posh potatoes
Never listen to
football on the radio
There is nothing they
dislike greater
ARE YOU WEARING BEER GOGGLES?
Are you wearing beer goggles?
That’s a definite I reckon
Because I look like Iain Dowie
But you see David Beckham
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEART TO A TENNIS PLAYER
Never lose your heart to a tennis player
And that goes for
women and men
But it’s not that they
are bad people
AFTER BEING CAUGHT USING
After being caught using an
Abhorrent substance in
plain view
The shamed sportsman
has promised
Never again to touch
tofu
AFTER BEING CAUGHT, WITH NO EXCUSE
After being caught, with no excuse
For abhorrent
substance abuse
The shamed sportsman
has sworn
Never again to touch
Quorn
THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT
The only good thing about
The advent of another
Wimbledon
Is that it means
you’re two weeks
Closer to football
season
Thursday, 2 February 2023
SNOWMEN ARE RUBBISH AT CRICKET
Snowmen are rubbish at cricket
They only play when
the snow falls
Even then they can’t
hit the wicket
And they keep bowling snow-balls
WE’VE ALL HEARD ABOUT THE MUSHROOM
We’ve all heard about the mushroom
Who turned out to be
the fungi sort
But he also won gold
at the Olympics
So he’s a true
champignon of sport
FOGHORN LEGHORN WAS THROWN
Foghorn Leghorn was thrown
Off the court
As the crowd began to
howl
And he would never
again
Be a referee
All because he blew a
fowl
THE PRESIDENT OF CHESS CLUB # 1
The president of Chess Club
Was rushed into moving his pawn
When he heard his mum planned
To search his bedroom at dawn
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