“My husband makes love to me
Like an Olympic athlete, honestly”
She boasted to her peers
“So, it’s once every four years”
Thursday, 31 March 2022
MY HUSBAND MAKES LOVE TO ME
OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE
I have been a keen sports fan for many years
As my father was
before me
But something has
always puzzled us
And is in the back of
our mind’s constantly
When it comes to the
boat race final every year
Why is it the same two
teams we always see
AN ENGLISHMAN WALKED INTO A PUB
An Englishman walked into a pub
But something was definitely up
There were no Irish, Welsh or Scots
Because they were still in the cup
THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT
The only good thing about
The advent of another
Wimbledon
Is that it means
you’re two weeks
Closer to football
season
Tuesday, 8 March 2022
THE FOOTBALL ISN’T UP TO MUCH
The football isn’t up to much
We are all sensing
doom
At half time the
directors
Go off to the bored
room
FOGHORN LEGHORN
Foghorn Leghorn
Was sent off the field
today
The referee claimed
It was for persistent
fowl play
BOFFINS ARE NOT THE SPORTY TYPE
Boffins are not the sporty type
But even a physicist
called Bryan
Knows that he must
exercise
Which he does by
pumping ion
WHY CAN'T HOBO’S PLAY BASEBALL?
Why can't hobo’s play baseball?
At the Hubert H.
Humphrey Metrodome?
Well, they say it’s
nothing personal
It’s just that they
can't find home
THERE REALLY IS NO TRICK TO IT
There really is no trick to it
The easiest way with
no catch
To light up a football
stadium
Is with a football
match
OUR TEAM CAPTAIN TOOK TO THE FIELD
Our team captain took to the field
Carrying a piece of
rope and the ball
Unconventional you
might think
But he is the skipper
after all
COACH JOSÉ MOURINHO
Coach José Mourinho
Likes to strut and
preen
But doesn’t like to
lose
And likes to cause a
scene
He’s always crying
foul
As he’s a real drama
queen
ARE YOU WEARING SNOWSHOES?
Are you wearing snowshoes?
Blimey those things
cost a packet
Hang on after closer
inspection
Your snowshoe is a
tennis racket
WHY CAN'T ORPHANS PLAY BASEBALL?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
At the Hubert H.
Humphrey Metrodome?
Well they say it’s
nothing personal
It’s just that they
can't find home
WHEN I GO AND PLAY GOLF
When I go and play golf, there
Is something I’ve
always done
I take a second pair
of trousers
APPARENTLY NIGERIA IS NOW POLO FREE
Apparently, Nigeria is now polo free
So that’s deserves
congratulations
But to be honest I
didn’t think
They were one of the
equestrian nations
ALADDIN’S WISH
Aladdin rubbed his lamp
And a Genie did appear
You can have one wish
But only one he made
clear
“I want to live
forever”
Aladdin told the
genie.
“I’m sorry” Came the reply
“You can’t wish for
immortality”
“Living forever
Is against the
regulations
You must think again
And revise your
expectation”
“Do you have your
wish?”
Aladdin answered “Yup”
“I want to live to see
England win the World Cup”
WHY ARE PIDGEON’S GREAT BASEBALL PLAYERS?
Why are Pidgeon’s great baseball players?
At the Hubert H.
Humphrey Metrodome?
Well, it’s obvious
when you think about it
It’s because they
always make it home
THE ONLY GOOD THING
The only good thing
About the end of
Wimbledon
Is it means you’re two
weeks
Closer to football
season
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEART TO A TENNIS PLAYER
Never lose your heart to a tennis player
And that goes for
women and men
But it’s not that they
are bad people
OLYMPIANS V PARALYMPIANS
The Olympics is the pinnacle
For any man and woman
But I believe that an
Olympian
Is actually merely
Human
Whereas a Paralympian
Is quite obviously Superhuman
DISABILITY SPORT
They may well be considered
In life to have a
Vulnerability
But where sport is
concerned
They have no such
disability
So, calling it “Disability
Sport”
Couldn’t be more
misleading
When the limits they
are given
They are constantly
exceeding
Don’t look at them as
disabled
But as sportsmen and
women
Because in the arena
of sport its
As athletes you should
define them
I TRAVEL ON THE TRAIN TO WIMBLEDON
I travel on the train to Wimbledon
It’s the best station
by far for me
As you can change for
the Overground
Underground and
Wombleing free
PARALYMPIANS
They should not be seen as disabled
When they compete
A Paralympian should
be viewed
Simply as an Athlete
ONE DAY ON THE GOLF COURSE
One day on the golf course
I overturned my golf cart
A pretty woman came to assist
And I was attracted from the start
Elizabeth, was very attractive
And didn’t apportion blame
“Are you okay are you hurt?”
She asked, “what's your name?”
“It’s Colin and I’m fine” I replied
And she invited me to her villa
which backed onto the course
“I'll help you with the cart later”
“That's kind of you,” I answered,
But my wife wouldn’t like it”
“Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted
“Just come in and rest for a bit”
She was very persuasive “okay,”
I agreed, “But my wife won't like it.”
After a stiff drink I said “Thank you
But I must go my wife will be upset.”
“She’ll understand” Elizabeth said
“Because you might have been hurt”
And asked, “where is she by the way?”
And I replied, “Under the cart!”
I’M A VERY COURAGEOUS GOLFER
I’m a very courageous Golfer,
At least in my view
Because it takes a lot
of balls
To Golf the way, I do
THE MOST DEPRESSING THING ABOUT TENNIS
The most depressing thing about Tennis
Is that no matter how
well I hit the ball
And how much time I
spend practising,
I'm never going to be
as good as the wall
A GIMME
“Gimme” is a famous Golfing term
Best described as an
agreement
Between two
like-minded Golfers,
Whose putting is to
their detriment
Sunday, 6 March 2022
OUR STAR SPRINTER IS NOT A LOOKER
Our star sprinter is not a looker
But that doesn’t
bother us
We still cheer him to
the rafters
But we do call him
Fastidious
Wednesday, 2 March 2022
MARADONA’S HEALTH SCARE
Diago Maradona collapsed after
Watching the
Argentinian team
And medics then found
a quantity
Of blood in his
cocaine stream
GOLFING PERFECTION
Golfers who try to make
Everything perfect
before they take
The shot will not
improve their lot
And rarely make a
perfect shot
Tuesday, 1 March 2022
KEEPING THE BALL
Having the most possession
In a match, doesn’t
really count
If the opposing team
doesn’t want
The football on any
account
SCUBA TECHNIQUE
Have you ever wondered why it is?
When sitting on the
edge of the boat
Scuba divers always
fall backwards
When entering the
water, well take note
It’s because if they
were to fall forwards
They would go face
first into the boat
WORLD CUP RUSSIA 2018 – ENGLAND 0, BELGIUM 1
The old England are back,
I don’t know where
they’ve bin’
But from a position of
strength
They fucked up agin’
They’ve managed to
lose,
Very much to their
chagrin,
To a weak Belgium
team,
Who didn’t even want
to win
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)