RED FACED VISAGE

 

The man’s face was crimson red

And heavily pockmarked too

Like he recently been on fire

And put out with a Golf shoe

WHAT IS YOUR EXCERSISE REGIME?

“What is your exercise regime?”

I was asked by my new personal trainer

I said if I already had a regime

I wouldn’t need a personal trainer

MY DOG ATE ALL THE SCRABBLE TILES

 

My dog ate all the Scrabble tiles

When they were spilt on the mat

And for days he kept leaving

Little messages around the flat

COMMENTATING ON EQUESTRIAN # 2

 

At his first equestrian event

And he thought he was seeing a mirage

All the horses looked effeminate

But it turned out to be the dressage

COMMENTATING ON EQUESTRIAN # 1

At his first equestrian event

And he thought he was seeing a mirage

The campest parade ring he’d ever seen

Turned out to be the dressage

THE TECHNOLOGY AVAILABLE IS FANTASTIC # 2

 

The technology available is fantastic

But it has affected me detrimentally

As I realized I’ve not played solitaire

With a real deck of cards this century

THE GAME OF GOLF IS

 

The game of Golf is

A unique sport in my view

In which your most feared

Opponent is in fact you.

THE FIRST TIME I TOOK MY GIRLFRIEND HOME

 

The first time I took my girlfriend home

So that my mum could meet her

She wore a big green shirt and huge gloves

And my mum said she was a keeper

 

Pretty In Pink

 

(Part One)

My name is Gary Devonshire and I first met Emma Lillis at the Intercontinental Hotel in East Berlin in 1973, or more precisely outside the hotel.

I was then and still am a writer by profession, a sportswriter to be precise, and my reason for being in East Germany was the World Cup.

It was being held in West Germany the following year and the East German team had qualified for the finals.

Furthermore they would end up being drawn in the same group as their western cousins and would actually go on to win the group.

We didn’t know any of that at the time of course.

And we didn’t know very much about them either.

So I had applied for and been granted a 12 week visa to experience East German football at first hand, and follow some of their star players in their domestic league.

But on the day I met Emma my twelve weeks were up and I was going to cross into West Berlin later that afternoon.

I was wearing my last but one clean shirt, the hotel had managed to lose three and over starch a fourth rendering it unwearable.

Still I would be back in the West soon and KaDeWe would sort me out, it was my favourite department store in the whole of Europe. 

 

I was outside the hotel looking up at the slate grey autumn sky and thinking to myself about my time there.

East Germany was often grey and drab like their weather but its football and its people’s appreciation of it was rainbow coloured.

I was even sorry to be leaving, though I wouldn't be sorry to lose my secret police escort who had followed me everywhere but despite their intrusive attentions I had enjoyed my stay and the football.

All of this was going through my head when she bumped into me.

The girl I would come to know, as Emma was dressed from head to toe in dull autumn colours and looked as drab and gloomy as our surroundings.

And her countenance was equally gloomy as she said without expression

“Sorry”

“No reason to apologize” I said as I stooped down to pick up her bag.

“My fault entirely”

“Thank you” she said and smiled, and the effect of the smile on her smile was like the sun had come out on a dreary day, such was the difference before she then went quickly on her way.

 

Later that day I crossed over the boarder at Checkpoint Charlie.

I took a cab to the checkpoint and then crossed on foot.

At the barrier a sour faced border guard with a machine gun barked at me

“Passport”

I held it out to him.

“Show me page one,” he demanded

I duly obliged

“I said show me page one mister” he yelled and pointed his gun at me

I looked at the page I’d opened it to and showed it to him again, open at the same page.

And this time he waved me through apparently my bit of intimidation was over.

Once I had crossed into West Berlin I got another cab and I was instantly struck by the stark contrast as the cab drove me through the vibrant and colourful city on the way to the Ritz-Carlton.

(Part Two)

It was at the Hotel where I saw Emma for the second time.

I was just finishing my breakfast the next morning when she walked in still dressed in Autumnal hues again and sporting a winter expression to go with it.

She didn’t notice me however she was too busy staring at her feet as she walked behind an older couple and seemed to me she was trying not to be noticed.

The group proceeded to their table in convoy led by a rather imposing woman in her late 50s, quite elegant with a regal stature who was immaculately dressed.

Behind her was a slightly younger man of military bearing except when he was fawning over the woman.

And then came the girl, twenty something I ascertained, I presumed her to be the daughter of the couple although there was no warmth between them.

My journalistic eye was denied the opportunity to analyse the threesome any longer by the arrival in reception of a friend from the Berlin news bureaux.

 

Samuel Krzeminski and I had been friends since University and we always got together for lunch whenever we found ourselves in the same city.

But our friendship went deeper than that I was also best man at Sam and Trudy’s wedding and their eldest child, Otto, was my godson.

We would doubtless see quite a lot of each other in the coming year as the Olympic Stadium in West Berlin was one of the venues for the 74 World Cup.

Which is where we were headed that morning as we had a tour arranged at the Olympic Stadium and the new facilities before lunch.

That evening I was having dinner at their Spandau home but lunch was catching up time for Sam and me.

Afterwards I went to my favourite department store, The Kaufhaus des Westens, which translates into English as "Department Store of the West", usually abbreviated to KaDeWe.

 

Which was where I saw Emma Lillis for the third time. 

I had just bought myself some new shirts and was looking for a new coat to go with them when we had our second collision in as many days.

“Sorry, sorry” she said

“It was my fault,” I said and I was once again stooping down to pick up her bag.

“I wasn’t looking where I was going”

This time however she stooped down as well, as the contents of her bag had spilled onto the floor and she blushed deeply as she scooped her brightly coloured silky items back into her bag.

“Are you ok?” I asked

“Yes thank you” she said and gave me a brief smile, which was when I realised it was she.

“This is the second time I’ve crashed into you,” I said

“Let me buy you a tea or a coffee as recompense”

“There’s really no need,” she said as she got to her feet.

“I insist” I said and steered her towards the lift

“I’m Gary by the way”

“Emma” she said meekly

(Part Three)

We sat in the café and gave our order to the waitress.

“It’s very strange how we keep bumping into each other,” I said

“Don’t you think so?”

She just stared at some imagined imperfection on the tablecloth

“Well I think three times in two days is noteworthy” I persisted

“Three?” she said lifting her eyes for the tablecloth for the first time

“Yes breakfast this morning at the Ritz,” I elaborated

“Are you staying there?” she asked

“Yes” I replied

“Was that your parents that I saw you with?”

“Yes and no” she answered intriguingly

“Oh I see,” I said, “so the immaculately dressed tour de force is?”

“My mother” she replied with a smile “Donna Lillis-Prillman, I like to call her Belladonna because she really is quite poisonous”

“And the military type? The fawning sycophant?” I asked and she laughed

“My Stepfather, Martin Prillmann” she replied

Just then the drinks and pastries arrived so there was a break in the conversation

“What took you to the East?” I asked

“A funeral, one of Martins uncles” she replied, “He is one of the Prussian aristocracy, a minor one and totally impoverished however which is why he married my mother”

“She isn’t impoverished then?” I asked 

“God no she’s filthy rich” she replied “but she’s a snob, and a minor aristocracy is better than no aristocracy at all”

“I see” I responded “Hence the Ritz”

She nodded

“So where do you live when you’re not ensconced in luxury hotels?”

I asked

“Well our house is in London but we are hardly ever there” Emma replied

“I like travelling though”

“But?” I said

“But, I wish I could do it without being under Belladonnas watchful eye” she said

“Why don’t you then?” I asked

“Mummy dear controls the purse strings and I only get a small allowance, so I am totally dependent on her” she replied bitterly

“You’re obviously not happy about it,” I said

“That’s because I’m 27 years old and I’m still getting pocket money from my mother” she said

She was on the verge of tears so I chose a different tack.

“What about your father? Your real father”

“He died when I was 15” she replied

“I’m sorry,” I said

“Its fine” she said brightly “What about you, how come you are staying at the Ritz?”

“Just a treat I’m afraid, I don’t normally ride quite so high on the hog” I said

She looked at me in a way that urged me to say more so I elaborated

“I’ve been working in East Germany for three months and such deprivations deserved a reward”

“What were you doing over there? Are you a spy?” she asked and laughed

“No I’m not a spy, I’m a sportswriter” I replied

“Really?” she asked brightly “Would I know you?”

“You might” I replied

 “A sportswriter named Gary” she mused

“Hang on are you Gary Devonshire?” she asked

“Yes I am” I said surprised she knew my work

“I’ve read your reports,” she said, “So what have you been working on? Something related to the World Cup I bet”

“Spot on, I’m impressed” I replied

We then spent a very pleasant hour discussing sports of every type.

I have to admit that the scared little mouse I had bumped into took on an entirely different persona when she spoke, with a great depth of knowledge, on sport.

She was still in full flow when she glanced at the clock and announced that she had to go.

“I didn’t realise it was so late” she said, “Mother will be miffed”

“I’m sorry I kept you so late” I said

“Don’t be, I rarely get to discuss football with anyone other than taxi drivers” she said

“If you’re going back to the Ritz we could share a cab”

“That would be great,” I agreed and we were able to continue our discussion on the journey.

When we arrived at the Hotel the Titan was seated in reception

“Ooops” Emma said and pulled a face

“Sorry again” I said

“It’s ok, it was nice talking to you” she said and walked over to where her mother was waiting

“You’re late” Belladonna said

“Sorry I lost track of the time” Emma said

“Apparently so” her mother said and gave me a withering look

(Part Four)        

When I went to the desk to retrieve my key I found a message waiting for me to say that the meal with Sam and Trudy was cancelled, as their youngest child Sebastian was ill.

Although we would do it the following night instead it meant I was then at a loose end that evening.

I decided to have a word with Max, the concierge, to see if he could get me ticket for something, anything, for that evening.

He came back to me an hour later, with two tickets for Herta Berlins match at the Olympic stadium against Hannover 96. 

Unfortunately he had misunderstood, I only wanted one ticket but he had scalped me a pair.

I paid him the money and just hoped it would be worth it.

 

Before I went to the match I decided to get a beer in the hotel bar first.

In the end I had two and as I sat at the bar I noticed the formidable Mrs Lillis-Prillman and her lapdog crossing the foyer in all their finery and I started to wonder where Emma was.

I was a hard bitten thirty five year old sports hack who had managed to stay single into middle age, though in truth it hadn’t always been by design, but I shouldn’t have cared tu’ppence.

But it was funny that since I had bumped into Emma for the third time that afternoon how I found myself wishing to bump into her again. 

And as I left the bar after finishing my third drink I got my wish.

“Oh hello” she said

“Emma!” I exclaimed “I was just thinking about you”

“Oh?” she said and blushed

“Yes I just saw her ladyship and her lackey leave the hotel and I wondered why you weren’t with them” I said

“They’ve gone to an Embassy reception” she replied “not really my cup of tea”

“In which case I think I have something that might be” I said

“Really?” she asked intrigued

“Yes I’m off to the Olympic Stadium” I began “Herta are playing…”

“Hannover” she responded

“Correct” I said slightly patronizingly

“And I have a spare ticket”

To my surprise she didn’t respond to my unspoken invitation but I left the silence unfilled for a minute before I said

“So would you like to come?”

“Me?” she asked like she’d never been invited anywhere in her life

“Really?”

“Yes you” I reiterated

“I’d love to” she said “have I got time to change?”

   

I waited in reception for about 10 minutes while she changed into something more suitable for an October evening in Berlin.

As I watched her exit the lifts and cross the foyer I was struck by two things, firstly how much more strident and confident she was when not in her mother’s wake, her brown hair bouncing in unison with her purposeful step.

And secondly how attractive she was.

I had briefly noticed her pretty smile on our first meeting but that was very fleeting   

Now I had a chance to look at the girl and not the drab little mouse.

Emma also appeared to be taller than she was before as she wasn’t hunched over staring at her feet.

Her clothing however was still autumnal as before, she was wearing a long drab coloured skirt, knee high boots and a long leather coat, brown.  

I knew she liked colour, I had seen the evidence spill from her bag in KaDeWe.

But she still managed to look pretty despite the drabness.

As she got closer she saw be looking and her freckled face blushed but she still managed a smile.

(Part Five)

Max the concierge hailed us a cab and we got in.

“I’ve never been to a Bundesliga game before” she announce as the cab pulled off. “I’m quite excited”

“I’m afraid they’re only standing tickets,” I confessed hoping it wouldn’t curb her enthusiasm.

“What on the terraces?” she asked

“I’m afraid so” I admitted

“Even better” she squealed “Thank you so much for bringing me”

“You don’t mind then?” I asked

“Not at all, normally if I’m lucky enough to go to sports events we’re in the Directors box or sitting in the posh seats with people who know nothing about what they’re watching” She said

“I’m going to be on the terraces with the real fans”

“I know what you mean” I said “I’m normally in the press box with a bunch of cynical old hacks, who have no passion for what they’re watching”

“This is as close as I can get” the driver said

“No problem” I said and paid the fare

 

Once on the pavement I said to Emma

“We’ll have to walk from here”

“Great, we can soak up the atmosphere” she said brightly and meant it.

 

At the end of a thrilling match Herta were victorious, winning 4-2.

“That was brilliant” Emma shouted enthusiastically almost hoarse.

We were being guided along the street by a group of Herta fans we had met on the terraces to their favourite bar to celebrate the victory with their new friends namely us.

We went in for one and stayed for three and were both feeling a little light headed when we left as neither of us had eaten.

That was soon remedied when we found a little Hungarian restaurant only a little way along from the bar.

 

After our welcome satisfying repast we hailed a taxi for the ride back to the Ritz.

It was quite late by then and the journey passed relatively quietly as we began to feel the effects of the football, beer and goulash; it was a comfortable silence however.

Once back at the Ritz we picked up our keys from reception and rode up in the lift together, still in relative quiet.

We reached her floor first and being a gentleman I delivered her to her door.

“Well here we are milady, I have delivered you safely to your door” I said with a bow

“Thank you kind sir” she replied and performed an ungraceful curtsy

“Seriously though, thank you so much again” she said “I had a great time”

“No need for thanks, you were excellent company” I responded

“Which reminds me I’m having dinner in Spandau tomorrow night with friends and I wondered if you would like to join me? Although it won’t match the excitement of tonight’s game I can promise it will be enjoyable”

And before I could add anything else her mouth was on mine, which I took to mean yes to dinner and judging by what followed she had clearly gotten her second wind.

(Part Six)  

The next morning, while Emma showered, I was dressing myself from the discarded items of clothing from the floor in her room when I spied her underwear underneath a chair; I had only briefly glimpsed them the night before as I hurriedly removed them from her lower portions.

They were a warm shade of deep pink with contrasting bows of pale pink ribbon and looking at them aroused me.

I don’t know why I was aroused, as we had only made love half an hour earlier.

I could hear her in the bathroom as my gaze was fixed on her knickers, which were of a hue that was in such stark contrast to her drab outer garments, she really was pretty in pink.

Just as she came out of the bathroom wrapped in white towels I said

“Show me what you’ll be wearing today”

“Ok” she said as a look of confusion spread across her face and she walked over to her wardrobe and took out two items

 “I’m going to wear my beige top and a russet coloured skirt,” Emma said

“That’s not what I meant,” I said

“I don’t understand,” she said looking even more confused

“Show me what you will be wearing, underneath,” I explained

“Oh” she said and was no longer confused

“Now do you understand?” I asked

“Yes” she said

“So?” I pressed

“I’m not saying” Emma said adamantly

“Why not? I asked

“Its private, personal” she said coyly

“We made love twice last night and again this morning” I said “it doesn’t get more personal than that”

“I know” she responded and blushed “but that was different”

“Was it?”

“Yes” she said in a tone that seemed to draw a line on the conversation but then she asked

“Why do you want to know?”

“Well when I see you walk into breakfast with your overbearing mother, Bella Donna and her Prussian ponce of a husband, I want to be the only one in the room, other than you, to know what you are wearing against your precious skin beneath your russet skirt”

I explained

“But more importantly I want to know, so I can picture them with perfect clarity as I look forward to taking them off you later”

“Are you going to take them off me later?” she asked quietly

“I would very much like to” I confessed

Without hesitation Emma walked over to her chest of drawers and pulled the top one open

“Then I will be wearing these,” she said holding up a pair of scarlet silk panties.

 

At breakfast I was in the dining room before Emma arrived and positioned myself at a table where I could observe her and be observed by her.

As previously the group proceeded to their table in convoy led by the imposing Mrs Lillis-Prillman, “Belladonna” following closely bbehind her was her sycophantic husband Martin Prillmann and bringing up the rear came Emma but not stooped over and staring at her shoes as she had the day before.

She walked in straight backed and smiling broadly.

She was trying not to make eye contact with me, but couldn’t resist and she blushed redder than the scarlet silk panties she was wearing.  

Her mother noticed the smiles that passed between us and gave me a disapproving look.

(Part Seven)       

That afternoon when I did indeed remove her scarlet knickers it would have driven Donna to distraction.

She would definitely have disapproved if she’d seen me undressing her daughter in my room that afternoon and again that night in Emma’s where I liberated her from a pink lace pair after we had dined in Spandau at Sam and Trudy’s.

 

The next day after breakfast I was summoned to Donna’s suite, I was of a mind to disappoint her and I told Emma as much but to my surprise she urged me to meet her.

I knocked on the door and after a moment it was opened by the sycophant who with typical Prussian arrogance silently looked me up and down.

“I was summoned,” I said and he stepped aside to let me in.

Donna was seated at her desk with her back to me and without turning around she said brusquely.

“You may sit”

“You’re too kind” I said factiously

“You’ll do well not to adopt an attitude with me Mr Devonshire”

She said still with her back to me

“I don’t think I need a lesson in manners from someone who doesn’t even have the courtesy to look at the person they are addressing” I said annoyed at myself for losing my temper but it did have the desired effect as she turned around to face me.

“I am superior to you in every conceivable way Mr Devonshire and I therefore have no need to show you anything other than contempt” she said 

“Is that the only reason you summoned me? To tell me how superior you are”

I said and stood up

“I summoned you to tell you to stay away from my daughter,” she said without expression

“Well you’ve told me” I said and walked towards the door

“Don’t go without what you came here for,” she said

“This should satisfy you” she added and held out a cheque

I took it from her and she smiled an ugly grimace, then I tore it up and threw the pieces at her.

“That was my only offer,” she said, “and you never see a penny of Emma’s money”

“I’m not interested in your daughter’s money” I said angrily “I work for a living”

I left the room slamming the door behind me; I was so angry that I stormed out of the hotel and was gone for an hour.

When I returned I found Emma waiting anxiously in reception and it was apparent she had been crying and she was on the verge of crying again so I took her in my arms. 

When we saw her mother exit the lift and start walking towards us we ran out of the door and jumped into a cab. 

We drove around the city for about half an hour before we finally alighted at the Europa Centre and spent an hour in the Irish pub and stared at the water clock as we made our plans for the future.

 

These plans involved to a large degree my friends Sam and Trudy.

We had decided not to return to the Ritz but I needed to check out of the hotel and Emma needed some of her clothes and some items of sentimental value.

(Part Eight)

We stayed at a small Guesthouse on the edge of the Turkish quarter that night and the next day arranged to meet Emma’s mother and stepfather at midday at Berlin Zoo.

While they were out of the hotel Trudy bluffed her way into Emma’s room and packed her an overnight bag, comprising mainly of the contents of her underwear draw and jewellery box and of course her passport. 

Meanwhile Sam had settled my bill and collected my things from my room.

Emma went into the zoo but remained out of sight and kept Donna and Martin in view while I waited by a pay phone at the entrance.

I looked at my watch and was beginning to get anxious and then the phone rang

“Ja!” I said and I still don’t know why I said it in German, but I did.

“Mission accomplished” Sam said

“Really?” I said

“Yes” Sam confirmed, “Now get your ass over to Tegel”

“Ok, see you soon” I said and hung up

I paid for my ticket and went in to find Emma which wasn’t difficult as she was a rubbish spy, I found her wearing a floppy hat and hiding in the gift shop.

She was staring out the window and giggling, as she watched her mother and stepfather arguing. 

I crept up behind her and goosed her and she let out a yelp, so loud there was a very real danger her quarry may have heard so I took her hand and we ran for the gate as if the devil was on our heels and jumped into the first cab we found.

 

We reached Tegel airport and met up with Sam and Trudy.

When hugs and handshakes had been shared I said

“We will never forget this”

“It’s a pleasure” Trudy said, “I was beginning to think you would never fall in love”

“Well it’s happened,” I said

“You didn’t tell me that” Emma said and punched me

“It’s been a busy day” I said feebly and kissed her

“Here are your tickets” Sam said, “Now get a move on”

We said our goodbyes at the gate and flew to London.

 

Once in London Emma took me to the family home in Mayfair and we spent the night there, making love in her mother’s bed.

Early next morning Emma packed a suitcase and we took a taxi first to Fleet Street where I submitted my piece on East German football to the editor at the Times and then onto my flat in Isleworth where I packed a case of my own.

From there we took a plane to New York and my next assignment on American Football.

Emma loved it, we got to travel around America, from motel to motel watching all kinds of sport, it wasn’t the kind of accommodation she was used to but if she was unhappy about it she never mentioned it or complained about it.

Her knowledge of sport was quite astounding, and I don’t mean for a woman either, and apart from the fact I was in love with her she was also invaluable to me as an editor, a critic and a sounding board.

She also managed our finances, and kept us solvent.

Our American journey came to an end with Super Bowl VIII on January 13, 1974 at Rice Stadium in Houston, Texas when the Miami Dolphins defeated the Minnesota Vikings 24–7. To win their second consecutive Super Bowl, and I proposed to Emma.

 

On the back of my Times piece on East German Football and my work on American Football and Soccer in America I was offered a job by the New York Times to cover the 1974 World Cup and as it meant our having to be in Berlin for some of the group matches we got married while we were there, with Sam and Trudy in attendance obviously.

Donna was invited but she declined, she never forgave her daughter for disobeying her wishes and Emma never forgave Donna for not being at her daughter’s wedding.

 

Over the years Emma travelled with me around the world from event to event, World Cups, Olympics, Commonwealth Games, Rugby, Cricket and Horse Racing and we are still together and you know what, she’s still pretty in pink.

GOLF IS A HARD GAME TO FATHOM

 

Golf is a hard game to fathom.

One day you will play,

And slice it and shank it,

Hit every trap along the way

And miss every green,

But then on the next day

You go out and for no reason

At all, you really can’t play

GOLD SILVER OR BRONZE

Gold, Silver or Bronze

That is the obvious question

What hue will his urine be

When they test the Russian 

THE REF BOOKED HIM

 

The ref booked him for

Taking his shirt off

As it’s against the rules

To take the refs shirt off

ON THE WICKET AT LORDS

 

On the wicket at Lords

Is there any finer sight

Than the sun shining

On a bowler in full flight

THE GAME OF GOLF IS

 

The game of Golf is

A unique sport in my view

In which your most feared

Opponent is in fact you.

BREAKING NEWS IS COMING IN

 

Breaking News is coming in

About a tragedy, I’m being told

It’s at an origami competition

More to follow as it unfolds

TIME IS UP

 

To my chest my hands I clasp

I deeply breathe, I wheeze and gasp

My temples throb, my mouth is dry

My heart beats fast, I’m going to die

My voice has gone, my throat is sore

My hands both shake, I can take no more

I lay my head, upon my knee

Now blow the whistle Referee

THE WOKING STAR STRIKER

 

The Woking star Striker

Went down in the box

It was his wife’s birthday

So it was not unorthodox

GOLFING PERFECTION

Golfers who try to make

Everything perfect before they take

The shot will not improve their lot

And rarely make a perfect shot

Uncanny Tales – (038) The St Michaels Terracers

 

Much of my childhood was spent playing football, and whenever possible the whole year round, in all weathers and for as many hours as my parents would allow.

I wasn’t fussy who I played with either or where for that matter, and we would play with any size ball and use jumpers for goal posts and we would play for hours.

Now having said that I would play anywhere and with anyone I still had a favorite venue and a favorite bunch of fellow footie fanatics.

The venue in question was the park bordering St Michaels Terrace in north London in the shadow of Alexandra palace.

The park had roads bordering on three sides and the railway line on the fourth.

The top road was St Michaels Terrace with the Starting Gate pub at the main road end a small parade of local shops and a row of terraced houses.

To the left was the main Wood Green to Muswell Hill road so the pitches stopped well short of that side and the bottom road led to Bounds Green and to the right was a wooded area which separated the park from the railway.

 

The park had at its center a manmade semicircular hill, with a small round hill at its center, adorned by a weather worn totem pole and around this center piece were our three improvised pitches which we rotated depending on the weather conditions and the pitches were arranged as follows

A, the top pitch which ran parallel to St Michaels Terrace and was as the name suggests the highest of the three and subsequently the most used.

B, the bottom pitch, which ran parallel to the first pitch and again as the name suggests was the lowest and least used although was a favorite summer pitch due to the shade from the trees on three sides.

C, the third pitch ran from top to bottom parallel to the railway and was referred to by the grownups as the safe pitch, as even the most wayward shot had little chance of reaching a road.

The most hardened footballers amongst us played all year round regardless of the weather with the exception of a two or three week period in the summer when we had to bow to pressure from the less committed participants who wanted to have a cricket season.

The hard core of the St Michaels Terracers, apart from myself were The Neal brothers Dave, Ken and Michael, Brian Gallagher who was also a distance runner, Louis Deeks, who lived on Palace Gates Road, Richard and Clifford Morgan’s, Mick, whose surname escapes me, who was a Chelsea supporter and Colin, whose surname also eludes me, was our best goalie until his untimely transfer to Diss.

On Sunday afternoons we were normally joined by some of the parents the most regular oldies being Mr. Neal and Mr. Morgan and you would have expected a rise in good behavior and a reduction of bad language but normally the reverse was true.

We also had an almost endless list of transient players who used to turn up periodically.

It broke my heart when we moved away from North London, the five years I spent with the Terracers have never been bested.

 

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – FIELD OF DREAMS (1989)

 

“Field of Dreams” is a sports drama, screenplay by Phil Alden Robinson based on the novel by W.P.Kinsella and Directed by Phil Alden Robinson

In the extraordinary story, Iowa corn farmer Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner) hears a voice in his corn field telling him, “If you build it, he will come” and he interpreted this message as an instruction to build a baseball diamond on his farm, with the support of his wife Annie (Amy Madigan) and daughter Karin (Gaby Hoffmann).

Upon completion of the diamond players appear from the corn, the ghosts of Shoeless Joe Jackson (Ray Liotta) and the other seven Chicago White Sox players who were banned from the game for throwing the 1919 World Series.

When the voices continue, Ray goes on the road to seek out a reclusive author Terence Mann (James Earl Jones) to help him understand the meaning of the messages and the purpose for his field.

Before they can head back to the farm they are directed to seek out Dr. Archibald 'Moonlight' Graham (Burt Lancaster) and find his ghost, and then on the way home they pick up a hitch hiker who turns out to be to young wannabee ball player, Archie Graham (Frank Whaley) and Kinsella has his ball team, but there is one more surprise for Ray when his father John (Dwier Brown) appears on the diamond.

Field Of Dreams is a Timeless Classic and a perfect example of a movie that finds meaning, not in aspects of the story, but rather in the underlying emotional core and heart that defines the story.

ADMIRED ATHLETES

 

I have great admiration 

For athletic competitors

But you’ve got to hand it

To those relay runners

GOLF IS A MENTAL GAME

 

Golf is a mental game

And I don’t mean cerebral

You have to hit down

To make the ball go up.

You swing left and

The ball goes right

The lowest score wins.

And if that’s not mad enough,

The winner buys the drinks.
But if you get a hole in one

You buy the whole bar a drink

CAR FOOTBALL IS A THING

 

Car Football is actually a thing

If not to everyone’s desire

Nonetheless the car was in

The dressing room, changing attire

GOLF V BASEBALL

 

Golf is undoubtedly

Harder than baseball.

As in Golf, you must

Play your foul balls

SPORTING COURAGE

 

I’m a very courageous

Sportsman, basically

As it takes a lot of balls

To play Golf like me

IT WAS A GLORIOUS WEEK IN JUNE

 

It was a glorious week in June

And I wore my best ensemble

But after Day three at Wimbledon

I hadn’t seen a single Womble

SW19 CHEESE

 

When you are at Wimbledon

And you order a cheese baguette

The filling will most likely be,

Given the location, Tennis Raclette

A GIMME

 

“Gimme” is a famous Golfing term

Best described as an agreement

Between two like-minded Golfers,

Whose putting is to their detriment

FISHING PHILOSOPHY

 

Give a man a fish

And he’ll eat for a day

Teach him to fish

And he might go away

AS THE BOWLER BEARS DOWN

 

As the bowler bears down

The crowd can readily sense

The batsman’s discomfiture

And smell the fear as the

Bowler releases his fast ball

And rearranges the furniture

A MULLIGAN

 

The Golfing term “mulligan”

Is actually a contraction

Of the phrase “muller it again”

GOLF IS LIKE MARRIAGE

 

Golf is like marriage, firstly

Both are very costly

And they won't work if you take

Yourself too seriously

FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY

 

Float like a Butterfly

Sting like a Bee

Float like Buffalo,

Get punched in the face

ADMIRED ATHLETES

 

I have great admiration 

For athletic competitors

But you’ve got to hand it

To those relay runners

FIRST GRADE CADDY

 

His five-year-old nephew wanted

To caddy for him on his Golf round

“You have to count my strokes,

So, your counting has to be sound”

The Uncle explained, then asked

“How much is six, plus nine?”

“Five,” answered the nephew.

The Uncle said, “Ok that’s fine”

THE WOKING STAR STRIKER

 

The Woking star Striker

Went down in the box

It was his wife’s birthday

So it was not unorthodox

GOLD SILVER OR BRONZE

 

Gold, Silver or Bronze

That is the obvious question

What hue will his urine be

When they test the Russian

THE REF BOOKED HIM

 

The ref booked him for

Taking his shirt off

As it’s against the rules

To take the refs shirt off

HUMEROUS HAIKU # 2

 

Recently I had

A ballooning holiday

- I put on four stones

COMMENTATING ON EQUESTRIAN # 2

At his first equestrian event

And he thought he was seeing a mirage

All the horses looked effeminate

But it turned out to be the dressage

FISHING PHILOSOPHY

 

Give a man a fish

And he’ll eat for a day

Teach him to fish

And he might go away

COMMENTATING ON EQUESTRIAN # 1

 

At his first equestrian event

And he thought he was seeing a mirage

The campest parade ring he’d ever seen

Turned out to be the dressage

Those Memories Made on Teardrop Lake – (38) It’s a Small World For a Locum

It was late afternoon on Christmas Eve at the Dancingdean Health Centre and Locum Doctor Kelly Spearman had one last patient to see.

Mrs Bramwell entered the room with her young daughter Kylie skulking in her wake.

“Come on Kylie the Doctor hasn’t got all day”

“Hello Mrs Bramwell, how can I help?”

“Kylie’s not right Doctor, very odd”

“In what way?”

“Well look at her Doctor you can see you doesn’t look right.

She starts the day feeling sick and ends it eating Pizza with sugar on. It’s no small wonder she’s put on so much weight”

“Well I’ll have to do a full examination” Kelly said

Kylie lay on the examination table and Dr Spearman gave her a thorough exam, asking questions as she did so.

When she had finished she told Kylie to redress and sat down at her desk and tapped at the keyboard until the girl was seated.

“So what’s wrong with her Doctor?” Mrs Bramley

“Well there is no doubt in my mind that Kylie is pregnant” she replied

“About five months to be precise”

“That’s absolute rubbish Doctor, Kylie can’t possibly be pregnant, ridiculous that is, she’s only 14 and I can assure you my daughter has never been with a man”

“There is no doubt” Kelly said as she took off her glasses

“Tell the Doctor, Kylie, tell her you’ve never been with a man”

“I haven’t Doctor I really haven’t, not even kissing” Kylie confirmed

Kelly looked at the girl doubtfully then stood up and walked to the window and stared out into the darkness shaking her head.

“So what’s wrong Doctor?” Mrs Bramley asked “it’s serious isn’t it?”

“Not at all, I just wanted to check the sky for something, because the last time a girl got pregnant without going with a man a bright star appeared in the East”

“Are you trying to be funny?” Mrs Bramwell asked

“No I’m not, I’m trying to make a point” she replied

“Whether Kylie says she has been with a man or not, she is definitely five months pregnant, so I suggest you think back five months and figure out where she didn’t have sex with a man”

“I don’t like your attitude Doctor if my daughter says she’s a virg…” she stopped in mid flow and turned to Kylie and said

“You dirty little cow, it was that boy you met on the beach at Sharpington wasn’t it”

At that the girl began to cry and Mrs Bramley bustled her out of the room admonishing her without acknowledging Kelly again.

Kelly was one of the cleverest medical students of her year and she was also one of the sexiest, a fact she had perpetually tried to play down.

She wanted to progress in her profession based purely on her abilities and not because she was “fit”.    

She certainly didn’t want the distraction of having to fend off unwanted advances while she tried to qualify.

Her style of dress was muted, still feminine but understated, she wore her hair combed back severely off her and wore heavy framed spectacles.

A look she maintained long after qualification and all through her time at the Winston Churchill Hospital.

The result of which, being that after ten years she remained single and with a reputation for being cold and aloof.

As neither description was true she gave up a senior position at the Churchill to take up general practice, but she needed to learn the ropes as a GP locum, which was why she was working at the Dancingdean Health Centre.    

Kelly had completed her notes and packed her things away.

She was looking forward to getting home, she loosened her hair and shook it out before putting on her woollen hat and slipping on her coat and finally picked up her bag.

No sooner had her fingers curled around the door handle than the phone on her desk rang.

“Oh, so close” she said to herself and released her grip on the door handle.

There was nothing waiting for her at home except what she craved at that moment, peace and solitude.

But she had noticed the steady snowfall through her surgery window and she was not a lover of driving in the snow.

“Hello” she said

“Could you see one more patient Doctor?” the receptionist Lynn Cooper asked “It should be a quick one but it’s quite urgent”

“Of course send them through” she replied and slipped off her coat and sat down.

A few moments later there was a light knock on her door.

“Come in”

When the door opened a tall slightly built man of a similar age to herself walked in.

“Thank you for seeing me Doctor” he said “I’m sorry to delay you”

“That’s fine” Kelly replied

“I see you’re dressed for the conditions” he added

“I’m sorry?”

“Your rather fetching headgear” he explained

“Oh” she said with a laugh “I forgot I had it on”    

“So what can I do for you? Mr Springthorpe”

“I need a repeat prescription for my Theophylline I have nearly run out” he said and she tapped at her keyboard

“Your last prescription was in October you shouldn’t have run out yet” she said

“I know but the water tank in my loft sprang a leak and brought the ceiling down which ruined everything in its path” he explained

“Your medication included” The Doctor said

“Yes” he confirmed

“Very well I’ll write you another one” she said

“Thank you Doctor”

“The pharmacy in Oakwood Road is open until 10 o’clock tonight” she said and handed him the prescription

“Thank you Doctor and Merry Christmas”

“Not to Merry I hope” she scolded “Happy Christmas”

The moment the door closed she quickly redressed in her out door clothes and left before the phone went again.

She ran the festive gauntlet of staff members, exchanging greetings in the time honoured fashion and emerged into the snowy car park and she was surprised to find exactly how much had fallen.

She got into her car and set off towards Mornington-By-Mere.

Kelly had only lived in Mornington for a few months, she wanted somewhere that was in striking distance of Shallowfield, Purplemere and Childean which were the towns she would be able to work as a locum.

Even Finchbottom and the Pepperstock’s were doable from Mornington at a pinch.

She had a rented a house in Military Row which was one of a number of good sized family dwellings originally built as Officers Quarters for the Officer personnel from the since defunct Mornington Airfield.

The original plan was to get a short time let and work as a Locum and then when she managed to secure a permanent position in a practice she would then move somewhere close to where she would be working but she had rather fallen in love with the village.

Despite the conditions she had made steady progress and had travelled about two and a half miles before she spotted the red tail lights and she came to a halt at the end of the queue.

There were three or four people milling around in the road so she got out of her car to join them in the hope of finding out what the problem was.

Just ahead of the queue of six cars there was a seventh car being reversed out of a snowdrift.

She made her way to the front and asked

“Is anyone hurt, I’m a Doctor?”

“No Doc, nothing hurt but his pride” An old country man replied

“A bit of a brown trouser moment though I shouldn’t wonder”

This induced a good deal of laughter as much from Kelly as anybody else.

“I take it the road is closed” she said when the laughter had subsided.

“Very much so Doc” Another bumpkin replied

“Then I shall wish you all a Merry Christmas and go in search of an Inn”

She did a three point turn in the road and headed back the way she had come and hoped she wouldn’t have to spend the entire evening driving around looking for a room.

Kelly was not yet fully au fait with Shallowfield and its environs but she had stored several key landmarks in her memory bank but the only Hotel she could bring to mind was the Shallowfield Lodge Hotel by Teardrop Lake.

Which she thought was as good a place as any to start, if that failed she knew that a lot of her colleagues at the Health Centre lived in the area so she would try her luck with one of them.

Jonathon Springthorpe was due to have dinner on Christmas Eve with his oldest friend and business partner Richard O’Sullivan but he had to cancel it at the last minute when he realized he was almost out of his medication.

Although it was a genuine emergency and not an excuse he still felt guilty cancelling their dinner date because Richard was such a lonely cove.

He pledged to himself he would call round to Richards’s house once he had rectified his medical emergency.

He was very pleased to have caught the Doctor before she left for the Holiday, and even more pleasing was the fact she was so attractive. 

After leaving the Health Centre he drove to the Oakwood Road pharmacy and was grateful he didn’t need to drive any further as the snow was several inches deep already and was falling exceedingly fast.

Under the circumstances he abandoned his plan to go and see Richard, so all being well he would be safely indoors for the night within half an hour and then the weather could do as it pleased.

Kelly parked her car and opened the boot, fortunately being a practical person she always had a change of clothes in the car for emergencies.

Unfortunately this did not include underwear so she would need to rinse through what she was wearing, provided of course she could get a room.

She went inside and straight up to the reception desk where a trim well-dressed woman was stood smiling in her direction.

“Can I help?” Mrs Brown said

“I do hope so” she replied dropping her bag to the floor

“I’m stranded in Shallowfield because of the snow and I’m hoping you have a room”

“You’re not the only one dear” Sheryl Brown said “But you’re in luck I have one room left”

“Thank you so much” Kelly said and she felt her shoulders relax

Sheryl Brown gave her a registration card to fill out and asked

“Is it just the one night dear?”

“Oh I don’t know” Kelly said “I hadn’t thought”

“Well look I’ll book you in for two nights, just in case” she suggested

“Ok yes, that’s a good idea” Kelly agreed

After all the formalities were completed and Mrs Brown had given her the key Kelly leant in close and whispered conspiratorially

“There was one other thing, I need to wash my underthings…”

Sheryl put up her hand and stopped her mid-sentence

“Don’t worry dear I have just the thing” she said and disappeared through a door marked private only to emerge 30 seconds later holding a small Tupperware box with a quantity of powder in.  

“This is what you need”

“You are a Godsend” Kelly said “Thank you so much  ...”

“Call me Sheryl”

“Thank you Sheryl”

“My pleasure” she replied “Now the restaurant is still open though under the circumstances it’s a rather improvised menu, but it will be hot”

“Hot will suffice” Kelly said gratefully

Kelly went up to her room and quickly freshened up and then made her way back downstairs.

She smiled at Sheryl Brown, as she passed the reception desk, who was busy helping someone else.

She walked into the busy restaurant and found an empty table and had only sat down long enough to order a drink when she was asked.

“Do you mind if I join you doctor?”

It was Jonathon Springthorpe

“Not at all but please don’t call me Doctor” she replied in a hushed tone

“Why? Have you been struck off?” he said

“No” She replied and laughed “But if people know you’re a doctor they can’t help sharing the details of their ailments with you”

“Oh I see, so what should I call you?”

“Kelly will be fine” she replied “would you like a drink?”

“Just a coke please”

“Nothing stronger?” she asked

“No it reacts with my medication” he said and tapped his coat pocket

“Just testing” she lied

“So Kelly what brings you to the Shallowfield Lodge on a snowy Christmas Eve?” Jon asked

“You first” she said

“Well as I said earlier I have some water damage in my house so I’ve moved out while it’s being sorted”

He explained

“So what about you?”

“I was trying to get home but the road was closed by a snowdrift”

She replied

“And where’s home?” he asked

“I live in Mornington” she replied

“So do I” Jon said “I live in the Old Forge”

“Really I’m renting one of the houses in Military row” she said

“It’s a small world isn’t it?”

“So why here?” he asked after the waitress had taken their dinner order

“It was the first place I tried” she replied “but I wanted somewhere local because I’m on call from lunchtime tomorrow for two days”

“Oh bad luck” he said

“No not really I volunteered” Kelly said

“Why on earth did you do that?”

“Well everyone else has a significant other or a family” she said

“And you don’t?”

“No, I have no significant other and no family within easy reach, all my nears and dears are many miles away”

“So not married?” he asked

“No”

“Divorced?”

“No just never married”  

“By accident or design?”

“A little of both I suppose” she replied enigmatically just as the food arrived

“So what about you?” Kelly asked

“Divorced” he replied

“How long?

“What married or divorced?”

“Both”

“Married 10, divorced 2” he said

After desert Kelly asked

“So why are you staying here?”

“I told you, my house is unliveable”

“Yes I know, but why here?” she persisted

“Oh I see, well I work in Shallowfield”

“And what do you do for a living?”

“Auctioneer” he replied proudly

“At O’Sullivan and Springthorpe”

“Oooh one of the bosses” she said feigning impression

“One of the partners” he corrected her “Of which there are a number”

“Still, name over the door” she said playing with him

While they were drinking their coffee Jon suddenly asked

“What are you doing for Christmas Lunch tomorrow?”

“I don’t know, whatever they’re serving here I suppose”

“I’m going to my parents for lunch tomorrow” he said

“Why don’t you join us?”

“Oh no I couldn’t impose” she replied

“Nonsense it’s no imposition”

“No I can’t and I’m on call anyway” she insisted

“It’s only in Shallowfield” he said “so it won’t affect you being on call”

“Wait a minute” she said “Your parents live in Shallowfield?”

“Yes”

“So why are you staying here why didn’t you stay at your parents?” she asked aghast

“Are you kidding, 36 years old and moving back in with the folks” he said

“I’d only be there for a day and Mum would start ironing my socks”

When they had stopped laughing Jon said

“So will you come?”

“Oh alright then” she conceded “But explain to your mother that if I have to disappear in a hurry it’s not because I’m not being rude”

They were to meet in reception at 10.30 on Christmas morning,

In the cold light of day Kelly questioned the wisdom of her decision to accept Jon’s invitation.

For a start she was not dressed as smartly as she would have liked but under the circumstances it was the best she could manage.

Fortunately when she arrived downstairs she found Jon had dressed down for the occasion, which made her feel much more comfortable.

“Happy Christmas” he said and kissed her cheek

“Happy Christmas Jon, are you sure I won’t be imposing?”

“Absolutely not” he insisted

The snow was still falling though much lighter than the night before, so there was an eerie hush apart from the satisfying crunch underfoot.

If she hadn’t been on call they would have walked all the way but she needed her 4 x 4.

When they arrived at the Springthorpe’s home she realised his apparel was not as she had thought, coincidental, but was by design, as all of the family were in their best bib and tucker.

Jon had realised that morning that Kelly would have limited options for the day so deliberately dressed down so she wouldn’t feel awkward.

“Thank you” she whispered when she realised what he had done.

He introduced her to his parents, aunts and uncles, nephews and nieces, kissing cousins, two godsons and a brother all of them dressed to impress.

Including Kelly and Jon there were 19 for dinner, and seating and feeding that many people was no mean feat.

But Margaret Springthorpe did it in style, and everyone’s food was piping hot.  

After dinner the gathering fragmented and Kelly volunteered to help with the clearing away, fending off the initial protests that she was a guest.

Just as the last plate was wiped up and put away Jon appeared

“Oh look perfect timing” Margaret said

“Dad won’t stop talking about the Golf game tomorrow so I just had to get out of there” he announced.

“It’s a shame you didn’t get fed up with it a bit sooner then you could have helped” Kelly said

“Well said” Aunty Victoria said

The reason for his father’s discontent in regard to the Golf was that the Annual, Springthorpe Family Cup competed for every year on Boxing Day had been cancelled for the first time since 1936.

Not even Adolph Hitler had been able to put a stop to it.

There had been snow at Christmas before and it had been possible to play the day after but this year due to the depth of snow on the ground the course was unplayable.

“Does it bother you that you won't be playing?” Kelly asked Jon.
“Yes. I love the Boxing Day game” he replied “But it’s impossible, Dad just won’t accept it”
“So why not play it on New Year’s Day instead?” she suggested

Jonathon opened his mouth to speak but seemed unable to find the words and closed it again.

He repeated this mime twice more then turned and left.

“Did you see that Margaret? She left him speechless” Victoria said

“Absolutely marvellous!” Margaret said

Kelly was roundly congratulated by the family for her solution to the Springthorpe Family Cup debacle and they were genuinely disappointed when at just after four o’clock she was called out.

She promised she would return as soon as she had finished but as it turned out she didn’t return until 7 hours later so she went straight to the Hotel where she found Jon waiting for her in the Hotel bar drinking hot chocolate.

“Come and have some” he said “it’ll warm you up”

“What I need is sleep” Kelly said

“Have a drink first, please” he begged

“Oh ok”

“You were a big hit with the family” Jon said 

“Oh I don’t know about that”   

“Seriously” he said “so much so that you have been invited to take part in the Springthorpe Family Cup”

“But I’m not family”

“You have been made an honorary member” he said

“How do you know I even play?” Kelly asked

“Well you do, don’t you?”

“A little” She said “maybe you can coach me” 

They talked for about an hour before Kelly excused herself and went off to her bed.

The moment her head touched the pillow she was asleep and she slept very soundly, which was just as well because on Boxing Day she was bounced all over the district, dealing mainly with patients who have severely overindulged the day before.

Kelly checked out of the Lodge on the morning after Boxing Day and that evening after surgery she was finally able to drive home to Mornington.

The first thing she did when she got home was to change her underwear, although she had washed them out every night before she went to bed, after wearing the same knickers for four days she still felt dirty.

She then had two wonderful days off in lieu of Christmas which gave her time to tidy her house and do some laundry.

But she was on call again on New Year’s Eve.

Kelly checked back into the Shallowfield Lodge after work on the 30^th and that night she had dinner with Jonathon at the Phoenix Restaurant in Shallowfield but it had to be an early finish as she was on call from midnight.

Kelly was on call from midnight on the 30^th until one minute past midnight on New Year’s Day.

It was a very quiet day she only had three call outs all day and it gave her plenty of time to think things through.

Kelly liked Jon, he made her laugh and feel sexy all at the same time, and he was kind and thoughtful.

But he or anyone like him was never in her plans for the future.

She had not moved from a senior position at the Winston Churchill into general practice looking for a man, however kind and thoughtful he might be.

But she didn’t think of him as just a man and she hadn’t felt that way about a man since she was studying medicine in Edinburgh.

However that had all ended very badly indeed and left her totally devastated and she did not want to repeat that mistake and feel worthless again.

Perhaps she should just nip it in the bud and not take a chance with him.

But why should she? Why wouldn’t it succeed?

She had always succeeded in her life when she put her mind to things, her recreation, her education, her profession, so why could she not succeed in a bright future for her and Jon.

The only fly in the ointment as far as she was concerned was that she wasn’t really sure how he felt about her.

He hadn’t even tried to kiss her, apart from a peck on the cheek on Christmas Day.

And she had wanted him too, after she found him waiting for her in the bar with hot chocolate.

She concluded that perhaps it was time for her to take the initiative.

On New Year’s Day Jonathon picked her up from the Hotel Car park.

It was a beautiful crisp winter’s day, no wind and not a cloud in the sky, she was standing by her car when Jon pulled up.

“Happy New Year” he said and kissed her cheek.

“Well that’s encouraging” she thought “but just on the cheek again”

But out loud she just repeated his greeting.

While he helped her transfer her clubs from her boot into his she was thinking that if was only going to kiss her on public holidays she would have to wait until Easter for the next one.

The Forest Ridge Golf Club was on the road between Shallowfield and Childean and the journey took about 15 minutes and all the way Jonathon was giving her Golf tips, her grip, her stance, her swing.

His coaching continued in the car park and on the walk to the clubhouse.

“Shut up Jon and kiss me” she screamed in her head

“The most important thing is to relax, don’t tense up” he said

“No the most important thing is that you take me in your arms and kiss me” she replied silently

Even if she’d said it out loud there wouldn’t have been time to act on it as they were soon surrounded by other members of the clan.

Jon and Kelly were the last to tee off in a four ball with his younger brother Chris and his Uncle George.

“Don’t worry if you’re only a novice” he said as they approached the 1^st tee “I can teach you as we go around”

“Ok” she said

Kelly was the first to tee off, it was a short dog leg par four, just under 200 yards to the turn so she selected her 3 wood and took up her position.

“That might be a little ambitious” Chris said

“Remember to relax those shoulders” Jon said encouragingly, agreeing with his brother about her club selection Kelly took a couple of practice swings and then addressed the ball before hitting a crisp clean drive which sailed straight down the middle of the fairway. 

“Whoa” Chris said “I thought you were a novice”

“I never said that” Kelly retorted

“You did say you played “a little” Jon said  

“I have only played “a little” since I moved to Mornington” she said

“You’re a bandit” Jon said and laughed

By the end of the 17th Uncle George and Jon were 5 shots off the pace and Kelly and Chris were all square.

After 3 shots Chris was on the green with a 20ft putt and Kelly was on the apron more than a hundred feet from the pin.

Chris was supremely confident as he watched Kelly chip to within 12 feet of the hole.

Chris however 3 putted and Kelly holed hers to win.

Jon was delighted partly because it gave him ammunition to rib Chris but mainly because he liked Kelly.

When all the scores were in Jon’s Cousin Mike won the day but Kelly was the highest placed woman and she won the nearest the pin on the par 3 7^th.

There was a great huddle of bodies at the bar but she was stood in a quiet corner of the lounge admiring her little trophy when Jon joined her.   

“So I wasn’t able to teach you anything today after all” he said

“I was trying to impress you and you ended up impressing me”

“That was my intention” she said

“To impress me?” he asked

“To get you to notice me” she replied and he looked puzzled

“You wanted me to notice you?”

“You have a lot to learn about women” she said taking a step towards him.
“Maybe you can teach me then” he told her looking into her eyes.
“There’s no maybe about it” She said and leaned her face towards him and touched her full lips gently to his.

He responded in kind and they were both lost in the magic of the moment.

As their lips parted they both opened their eyes.
“Would you like me to teach you some more?” she asked smiling.
“That’s a silly question” he replied and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her close and their lips met again, but this time there was no restraint.